So how intelligently are you using your emotions? Graeme and I have a very deep and very personal conversation about the importance of our emotional and social intelligence, and how each of us in our own way have been emotionally constipated. This is probably one of the most deep and open vulnerable conversations the two of us have had in this exciting series.
How good are you at atonement, forgiveness, making amends and being at one with somebody? Do you hold resentment, anger or passive aggression? Are you someone who uses a lot of judgement and criticism seeing yourself as one up and grandiose or one down and suffering from shame?
We both realise that we both been so damn serious for much of our life and want more joy and happiness. The Hoffman Institute seven day programme was a major topic of conversation. The importance of psychological safety so that you can allow the people who work with you to be appropriately vulnerable was discussed as was the importance of acceptance and understanding for diversity, equality and inclusion. We talked about the regrets of the dying and how perfectionism and high performance has driven both of us.
Which self soothing techniques do you use: are you a workaholic are you focused on sex and frequent relationships? Is it alcohol, drugs, success, or something else that is addictive for you? We talked about our parents or grandparents and breaking the generational chain of unhealthy behavioural patterns. Finally, we talk about acceptance, compassion, not being a victim and having forgiveness for yourself and others.
To “live, give and forgive” are phases of our lives as we grow up.
Also, to remember that “everything in life is possible if you’re prepared to pay the price and live with the consequences”. Are you? For many of the highly achieving highly performing leaders that we both know there is a certain amount of emotional dysfunction from childhood and more emotional intelligence development will be essential.